Credit: http://freddre.deviantart.com/art/Gabe-Newell-Portrait-288307422
Genesis
*
In the beginning Gabe created Quake and Half-Life.
And Gabe said: “Let there be Steam.” And there was Steam.
And Gabe saw Steam, that it was good; and Gabe created the Steam Summer Sale.
And Gabe said, “Let me make man in my own image, after my likeness; and let him have access to a plethora of discounts on some of the greatest game titles ever produced.”
And Gabe created man in His own image, in the image of Gabe created He him; male and female created He them.
And Gabe blessed them, and Gabe said unto them: “Be fruitful and let my profits multiply, replenish your games library, oh and don’t forget to download the extension packs.”
And on the seventh day Gabe rested.
*
My fellow human beings, it is here, it is upon us, and my Gabe is it delicious. In the event that you’ve long since forgotten your Religious Studies GCSE, I shall be more explicit. The annual Steam Summer Sale has started, so get out your wallets, put away your girlfriends and prepare to milk your student loan instead. If you thought the Bible had some good cheap action in it, you’ve simply not played Max Payne 3 for £20.09.
Steam, developed by Valve Corporation, is the digital distribution brainchild of the gaming industry’s truest deity, Managing Director Gabe Newell. If you’ve not downloaded it yet, what are you doing with your life? Every summer, a vast selection of their massive games catalogue is reduced in price and pubescent males around the world minimise their porn and unite to empty their wallets.
Individual games and bundles from a number of publishers and genres can be purchased with gigantic savings. If you’ve been waiting to buy a game, now’s your chance to strike. Portal 2, a masterpiece that needs no introduction, is a mere £3.74. If you’ve already bought it and played it, buy it again. It’s got Stephen Merchant in.
The online store is absolutely gorgeous, and new deals are being unveiled each day until July 22nd. For the first time ever, the community can even vote for the deals they would like to see every 8 hours. “Flash sales” are also available that slash the prices of certain games for brief periods of time. Deus Ex: Human Revolution, the acclaimed neo-noir stealth action RPG, is currently reduced 75% to just £4.99. The quantity of big titles is startling – Bethesda’s sensational latest release, Skyrim, is only £23.32.
Game and Gamestation retail stores are closing down? Shocker.
If you’ve made it this far down the article without exiting to initiate your purchasing frenzy, allow me to sweeten this wonderful event with these killer bargains:
2K Collection – 7 items
BioShock 2, Borderlands, Duke Nukem Forever, Mafia II, Sid Meier’s Civilization V, Spec Ops: The Line, The Darkness II
Was £157.73, 75% reduction to £39.99
Activision Hits Collection – 10 items
Blur, Call of Duty, Call of Duty 2, Call of Duty: United Offensive, GUN, Prototype, Singularity, TimeShift, Transformers: War for Cybertron, Vampire: The Masquerade – Bloodlines
Was £139.90, 74% reduction to £35.99
Square Enix Hits Collection – 29 items
Deus Ex: Game of the Year Edition, Deus Ex: Human Revolution, Hitman 2: Silent Assassin, Hitman: Blood Money, Hitman: Codename 47, Just Cause 2, Lara Croft and the Guardian of Light, Thief Gold, Tomb Raider: Anniversary etc.
Was £158.93, 81% reduction to £29.99
So bid farewell to your degree prospects and save some cash by spending cash you wouldn’t have otherwise spent!
Now is certainly not the time to be agnostic.
Visit the Steam Store to see all the latest deals. For a full list of available bundles go here.